There is Strength in Weakness

I committed to a D1 volleyball program before my sophomore year of high school. I spent the rest of high school longing for the day I’d be at college. I was exhausted and believed that everything would be better the moment I started college volleyball. Never did I think it was even possible to become more mentally, physically, and spiritually exhausted, but I was quickly proved wrong. 

On the first day of preseason my sophomore year, after a month of worsening back pain, we received results I had an L5 stress fracture which would take three months to heal, but it ended up taking six. For most of those six months, my rehab consisted of doing absolutely nothing. I was to wait and rest, and that was it. It was a complete reversal of the lifestyle that had been ingrained in my head since middle school. It had always been to do more, be faster, be stronger, and now I was told to be still and do nothing. 

This injury brought inner struggles and questioning of who I really was. I used to be so sure of myself. I was confident. I was a leader. I was direct and didn’t care what others thought of me. I thought my identity was in Christ. These beliefs were quickly flipped. I soon felt timid, confused, weak, and far from God. Everything that had once felt so secure turned to chaos and anxiety. I couldn’t possibly understand why God was having me go through this mess of a season.

This injury also challenged how I was supposed to be a teammate without being able to touch a volleyball. Until this, I had never had to consider contributing to a team without being able to participate in the game. I didn’t know how to lead without being in a jersey. I didn’t know how to bring God glory if I wasn’t playing volleyball. I felt out of control and disconnected from the only life I had ever known. I slipped into depression and wanted more than anything to be alone. 

I started clinical therapy soon after this back injury and my counselor graciously drew out the feelings I wanted to hide from. From one appointment, I vividly remember her saying, “it sounds like you’re at the point where you want to decide to give up or to keep going”. The moment after she said that, I knew I didn’t want to give up, my mind was just telling me I did. She helped me identify the lies I was believing over God’s truth. 

I thought the only way to get through the injury and season was to deal with the struggles behind closed doors and to paint a perfect picture in front of anything volleyball. I was so scared to show others that I was struggling. But God knew this wasn’t the way through. I wanted to isolate myself, but He called me to remain with others. He placed people in my life exactly as He’d known I’d need them, and they pointed me to love, vulnerability, grace, and their own struggles. These people showed me that it was okay to be weak. In fact, it is more than okay to be weak. God’s strength is glorified when we proclaim we can’t do it ourselves. There is strength in weakness. 

The anthem of my heart quickly turned to 2 Corinthians 12:9-10- “Be he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will all the more gladly of my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

I will endlessly be grateful for the weakness Christ first displayed for us reflected by others in my life when I couldn’t remember it. Thank you to those who looked to God to help encourage me and to remind me of His promise. Thank you Jesus for creating us not to be alone and for the community you intricately built up around me so we can support each other. And an extra big thank you to all the athletes before me that opened up and shared their weaknesses. You help us know that we are not alone, that our struggles are validated, and that God will time and time again remain faithful.

Kiara Reinhardt

I am Kiara Reinhardt, a junior/redshirt sophomore on the Creighton University women’s volleyball team. I am from Cedarburg, Wisconsin. I was injured my sophomore year for the entire season. My experience and the people at Creighton has been one of God’s greatest blessings, while also revealing the most growth through the difficulties.