God is Constant Amidst Turbulence

"I am so thankful for my broken bones" seems like a crazy statement to make, but it's true.

From 2019-2021, it seemed that my body simply could not stay unfractured. My inability and inconsistency in achieving health paradoxically became a constant. After my sixth stress injury (shin, femur, foot, shin, shin, ankle) in October 2021, I made the decision to medically retire and step away from the sport (XC/track) and team I absolutely loved. Although I had braced myself a bit for this with each injury I sustained, it was still a tough decision that has had major impacts on my daily routine and life. When I think back on that time, I think about my own fragility and frustration, but mainly I think about and am awestruck by the constancy, faithfulness, and wonderful sovereign power of the Lord.

Medically retiring was an incredibly difficult decision to make for so many reasons, but in putting that decision (and I pray, all other decisions) on the altar before the Lord, there is a resulting peace from God that surpasses understanding that I am so grateful for. The Lord has certainly taught me a lot both during my time in the sport and after in reflection. He has used my injuries and retirement to draw me closer to Him, become more reliant upon Him, and further surrender to Him. He has given me perspective -- these injuries weren't bad things that were happening to me, but things that the Lord was using for my good and that were specifically chosen for my growth and maturation in faith! I see competitive running as a gift from God that I am so thankful for -- but firmly believe that where I am at now (retired) is where I am supposed to be in His will (Psalm 84:11, Proverbs 3:5-6).

In obedience to God and His word we find freedom. In surrendering our desires and ideas about the way things "should be" to Him, we find that His ways are infinitely higher than ours, and His good and perfect will can never be matched by earthly plans (Isaiah 55:8-9). He is the only constant and the only comfort and hope that we need. We must put Him first and foremost above all things (wonderful gifts such as sports included) and look to what is eternal rather than transient (2 Corinthians 4:18).

In any tough situation there are so many "why" questions that could be raised -- in this situation, why was I seemingly always in pain for more than two years; why couldn't I get healthy enough to actually run and had to spend hours in the pool by myself for months on end; why did I have to experience a disorder that negatively affects me to this day; why did I have to quit my sport far earlier than I ever expected, etc. -- but in resting in the Lord, we can find contentment even in the most difficult times. That's not to say that I don't still wrestle with these questions and so many others; there is no promise of ease in the Christian walk -- actually, just the opposite -- but nothing compares to experiencing and trusting the promises and attributes of our loving Father.

At the end of the day, in all honesty, I do miss competitive running and retirement is still not an easy decision to have made. But I strongly believe that in every season of life, the will of God reigns sovereignly and supremely. If we fully trust in Him, we can live without worry about what the future will hold and what decisions we should make and instead rest in and rely on Him without anxiety to guide our steps (Phil. 4:6-7, Matthew 6:25-34)! As He loves and cares for each of His children, we can give thanks to Him for major and miniscule events and everything in-between -- broken bones included!

"Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever!" -- 1 Chronicles 16:34

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