Finding a Firm Foundation in the Midst of Uncertainty

Losing a sport can be temporary or permanent. It can be our fault or a fluke accident that was out of our control. But the question is what do we do- how do we respond- when we lose our sport unexpectedly?

Second semester freshman year I hurt my back squatting in the weight room. Long story short, I herniated two disks in my back and ended up needing emergency surgery to stop me from having permanent nerve damage. I went from being the starting middle hitter, to not being able to get out of bed. It was a serious reality check and trial both physically and mentally.

Because I experienced such a serious injury, I dealt with a lot of mental health problems like PTSD, depression, and anxiety. Recovery was NOT easy. It was the hardest thing I had to do, and I am still not fully recovered. Every time I walked into the gym I would feel sick. I would have nightmares and replay the scenario over and over in my mind- analyzing what I could’ve done differently. One of the hardest things for me personally was remaining close to volleyball after my injury. It was extremely difficult to still be on the sidelines, watching my teammates and thinking “that should be me out there...I don’t deserve this.” I was near the team but felt so distant.

Whenever I saw my friends working out or playing volleyball I would get extremely jealous and sad. I spent hours secluding myself from others because I couldn’t bear to keep talking about things that were no longer physically possible for me.

Even when I began to “physically” heal, my mental health was in decline. I think the mind often takes longer to heal than the body because we don’t give it the same amount of attention.

I also think the body’s physical healing is often directly correlated with our mindset.

The first lesson I learned from this experience was to surround myself with cheerleaders. Some of my biggest cheerleaders were family, friends, teammates, and my coach. They picked me up when I was at my lowest, believed in me, encouraged me, and pushed me to keep growing and healing every single day.

I spent so much of last year asking God why this happened to me. The biggest lesson I learned during my injury was that God doesn’t owe us an explanation as to “why” something happened. If our goal is to get an answer as to why or if our mindset is contingent on answered prayers, our minds and spirits will stay stuck in a dark place. I spent a lot of time in the book of Job during my injury. Job never got his “why” from God. However, God did show him more of his character, and that was enough for Job.

God’s character; His love, grace, compassion, truth and healing must be enough for us too. Enough to have hope. Enough to have joy. Enough to find peace. And trust me, this is FAR easier said than done. I still have many low days where I feel like I’m back where I started. Even in those mental relapses, it is important to still celebrate the progress you’ve made and remind yourself of WHO your God is and the future hope he has set before you!

Even though I may never be able to play volleyball again, I can confidently say that I have never felt God’s presence as strongly as I have this past year. Even though I am still praying every day for healing, I am learning that it’s not just about praying for your miracle. It’s about praying that God would prepare you for when the miracle comes. I am in the time of preparation, and what a challenging yet glorious time to be in! Whether I end up seeing my miracle on this side of eternity or not, I have no doubt in the faithfulness of Jesus and his sovereign will for my life.

Skylar Emert

Hi everyone my name is Skylar! I am a junior at Messiah University. I’m majoring in finance and marketing and was on the volleyball team there my freshman and sophomore year. I love doing anything outdoors, playing piano, spin, and Jesus!