God Is Bigger Than My Skin Disease

1 Peter 5:10 “And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.”

Vomiting - again. Bleeding - again. Sobbing - again. In immense pain - again.

I laid on the shower floor, watching the blood wash off my body and swirl down the drain, as my throat ached from the vomiting. My whole body was sore with pain and moving with my sobs. I tried singing the song “Blessed Be The Name of The Lord,” but it mostly got lost in my tears. I had reached my final breaking point. I could not try any harder or push anymore. Confused, scared, broken… I could not get myself through this.

In 2018, I found out I was unable to compete in track and field indoors because I had a skin disease that we still do not know how to diagnose. For six months I saw five different doctors — dermatologists, general practitioners and rheumatologists — all who did various blood tests, patch tests, skin biopsies, and numerous other things to figure out what was wrong with me. To this day they have been unable to figure it out.

It all started in July 2017 with a what-seemed-like mild skin rash. However, as time went on, every time I would begin to sweat, I would develop these sores anywhere from my neck to my ankles that would start to bleed.  Despite this and the immense pain that these sores causes, I was unwilling to stop practicing and competing. 

Since this was not like a broken bone I could make worse by continuing to train, I was allowed to run. I would start running, sweat, bleed, finish the running, vomit, and then my coach would pour water all over me to wash the blood and stop the burning. This cycle went on and on. The only thing I stopped doing was my lifting sessions because my weight room coach asked me to stop coming so that I wouldn’t get blood all over the equipment.

Even wearing clothes was awful. I remember one particularly cold day that I warmed up for a workout, feeling awful in my sleeves and tights. Standing around waiting for the run to start, my skin had stuck to my clothes. On my first step out to run, I ripped most of the skin off my thighs and arms and had to immediately stop to go vomit and try to get the skin and blood off of me in  the shower. After this, I decided I needed to inform my coach of the extent of what was going on. I shared with him that my throat was raw from throwing up and he told me I could not come back to practice until all of this was resolved.

In December of 2017, I competed while waiting on results to see if I had cancer. After the competition, the trainers and coaches had to rush me to the showers, throw away the towels covered in blood, and help me take off my uniform that was tearing at my skin.

I’ve always prided myself in being able to push through anything and deal with any level of pain. I’ve competed with broken ribs, torn adductors, ankles so sprained a piece of my bone was pulled off, a stress fracture so bad a trainer told me I may compound fracture my leg, and broken toes. Injury wasn’t a thing for me — or so I thought. 

Little did I know, God was going to take what I thought about myself and teach me something new.

I have learned that there are things that, despite how tough I feel, I cannot do without His grace and power. He allowed these painful and terrible circumstances in my life and allowed me to get to the point where I could not move without experiencing immense pain and could not push through it on my own. There were times that getting out of bed was my only goal for the day. Showering hurt. Moving hurt. Living hurt. At one point I remember saying “God, you need to heal me or kill me because I cannot take this anymore.”

What I found is that sometimes God will allow terrible, painful, and scary circumstances in your life so that He can build you back up and so that you can give an even better testimony to His ability, grace and power. God did something so big in my life that He knew no one would be able to look at me and say, “Wow, Jordan is so tough to push herself through that!” They would only be able to look at me and say, “Wow, what a God.”

Through all of this, I had people who were praying and fasting for me and I was being loved by those around me. God heard the cries of those around me and I found a doctor who prescribed me a shot that I now give myself in the stomach every two weeks. It has completely changed my life. Even though no one knows what I have, I rest in the truth that God does and that God is taking care of me.

Proverbs 17:3 “The refining pot is for silver and the furnace for gold, But the LORD tests the hearts.”

As I end, I leave you with this — Gold and silver need to be placed under extreme heat to burn out all the impurities, and the Lord tests our hearts in the same ways sometimes. Even when you find yourself in the “refining pot”, I encourage you to trust that God will always have a plan, purpose, and gracious outcome that will leave you saying, “Wow, what a God.”

Jordan Gray

Bio: Hello! My name is Jordan Gray I am a professional Track and Field Athlete and I am the American Record Holder in the Women’s Decathlon. I am from Ball Ground, Ga., but I am currently training in the hot Texas sun! I have participated in sports all my life and have the blessed opportunity to fulfill my ultimate goal- sharing Jesus- through them! I also enjoy singing, photography, gardening, and spaghetti!